Art has been a constant thread weaving through my life since my earliest memories of playing with crayons as if they were my colorful little friends. Retreating to my inner world to create was more than a hobby, it was how I processed the world around me and within me. Art has been integral to my well-being, at times even saving me from the overwhelming sadness and anxiety I had begun to experience by the time I was eight years old.
As a child I was deeply sensitive. This caused a lot of insecurity and by the age of thirteen, I was struggling to function under the weight of my depression. I quickly learned to keep it to myself as it seemed to confuse those around me, because from the outside it didn’t add up. There was no obvious reason to justify how I felt, which really only deepened my sense of shame. I decided there must be something wrong with me. In my search for an answer, I discovered that alcohol did for me what no one and nothing else seemed to do, it gave me hope. It gave me someone to be. It filled in the missing pieces-the gap between me and everyone around me. I chased this feeling as though my life depended on it because to me, it did.
By sixteen, I had dropped out of high school and was fully immersed in trying to stay a few drinks ahead of myself. Inevitable moments of sobriety would strike and I would have to experience the agonizing reality of my life. The chaos I had created would loom in my peripheral like a ghost. One night, I was building up the courage to act upon my desire to die when something shifted. In a moment of stillness, a sense of warmth and clarity stepped into my consciousness and hugged me from the inside out. A voice in my head assured me that this pain would not last forever, and that one day I would be able to help others who felt the same way. For whatever reason, I believed it. A couple more years of trying to change on my own went by before I eventually asked for help. That decision marked the beginning of my healing and instilled a deep desire to be a safe space for others.
In the nearly two decades since, my creative journey has become inseparable from my healing journey. Through recovery, spiritual exploration, and motherhood I have learned that what I thought was wrong with me is actually my most powerful tool for both creativity and connection. Embracing ourselves, our depth and our uniqueness is the ultimate act of authentic self-expression and through mindful practices and art we can develop the confidence required to do so. Creativity is not a costume- who you are is exactly what you need to be. I hope to create spaces where you can slow down, lighten up and tune into what you already know but probably forgot, that you’re good.